From the Barstool of the Publisher – June, 2008

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Stop it! Stop it, right now!

Put down the God damn mouse and step back from the computer. Don’t blame it on your teenage child either. You’re the parent, go into their room and rip the internet connection from the wall.

Call your friends and family, too, and make sure they knock it the hell off as well.

It’s people like you who are killing music.

This week’s no-talent, ass-hat, plague on the music business is David Cook, who apparently won this country’s most stupid-ass TV show, “American Idol.”

Well guess what, cats and kittens? Cook is now in the number one spot on iTunes for his song “The Time of My Life,” and he’s got three other songs in the top five! It seems like all those annoying, screaming giddy shitheads that are in the TV audience also know how to download songs from iTunes. But, there’s gotta be more than just the ignoramuses in the audience clicking “Buy.”

I want to know who, and I want to know who, now! Cook will continue to stay there until people stop downloading his shit. So seriously, friggin stop it.

I really can’t believe the crap that goes along with “American Idol.” Am I the only one who crawls out of their skin every time they hear a promo for the show?

Every season (and I swear they churn out another season every few weeks) I have to endure the hype, even though I’ve watched approximately 45 seconds of the show since it began – and that was on YouTube, because someone told me that a contestant had sung a Black Crowes song well. For the record, he didn’t (sing well, that is).

Is the next winner of “American Idol” really a news story? Is there any possible reason that information needs to be worked into a news cast? On top of that, we’ve got to see follow-up stories on the retarded losers who end up cashing in for being dumb enough to show how dumb they are on national television. It’s appalling and embarrassing.

I don’t support the show. I don’t watch the show. But, what can I do to get rid of the show? My ignoring it has not made it go away. So I’m taking it upon myself to say right here, right now, “Stop.” Anyone remember the old Yule Brenner ads for quitting smoking? They were shot after he had been diagnosed with lung cancer and he looked straight into the camera and said, “I ask you now that my life is over, please don’t smoke.” I’m asking with that same sincerity. Please don’t watch! Please don’t download! If we ALL ignore it, it might just go away. In fact, knowing Fox, I’m certain that if half of you ignore it, they’ll pull the show faster than Paula Abdul can down a bottle of vodka.

Please, do what you can.

See you at the real shows.

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1 Comment

  1. this is the first season i’ve even pretended to watch the show at all and i think i understand what the hype is about. here’s what i think: the whole idea of having an opinion seemingly matter drives people to give a shit about mundane things. it provides a sense of self-importance. in six weeks you see some loser kid who stood in line for six days in a parking lot in atlanta become some loser kid who (very publicly) does shitty covers of (usually) shitty songs in front of (always) sobbing, screaming tweens. rags to riches. sidewalk to spotlight.

    i’ve heard that stat about more people going out to vote for american idol than the prez (which i’m not sure i believe), but that would be logical. Beyond the fact that i can’t text 07 to P-R-E-Z to case my vote for obama, how many years does it take for your vote to have blatant impact? sure, the president is selected quickly enough, considering the importance of the outcome- but the instant gratification of a vaguely attractive group of candidates competing for your attention and approval after you already voted yay or nay TWELVE HOURS BEFORE? well, that’s just self-important.*

    *almost as self-important as this response.

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